Finding something to cling to

I have felt the Holy Spirit pressing on me to teach on Matthew 18:10 so I have been diving deep into this scripture.

“Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father". Matt. 18:10

It has taken my breath away. What a fascinating glimpse into heaven. In studying this passage, I have realized that all angels, all the time, are assigned to care for and protect and minister to the children of God. That everything the angels do is for the GOOD of those who love Jesus. How humbling to think that the very angels that are assigned by God are fulfilling Romans 8:28- working together for the good of those who love God and who are called by Him. The angels that serve us, protect us, and minister TO us can also immediately be in the presence of the Father.

The good here that is described in Romans 8:28 is not referring to our good here on earth. It is not referring to health, wealth or prosperity. It is referring to our spiritual good. A peace that passes understanding. That even though our circumstances may not be ideal, we can have real peace because of Christ. During his time here on earth, Jesus encouraged his followers to be more like children. To have the faith of a child. To trust their heavenly Father.

I have found great comfort in these verses and want to give a little update and a big ask for your prayers.

Our little boy McTeer has been diagnosed with PANDAS. Pandas is short for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorder Associated with Streptococcal Infection. A child may be diagnosed with PANDAS when: Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), Tic disorder, or both suddenly appear following a streptococcal infection, such as strep throat or scarlet fever. (pandasnetwork.org)

In the fall of 2019, he started having stomach aches, anxiousness, obsessive compulsive behavior... weight loss, facial tics such as mouth twitching, clicking his tongue, scrunching and sniffling his nose, jerking his head and humming. We also noticed him kicking his feet, and having so many more sensory issues. Lack of impulse control. His stomach hurt at school. He cried all the way to school and all the way home. He began sobbing uncontrollably daily. He couldn’t fall asleep at night. Every day was a bad day. Some probably said he was a "bad boy."

A dear friend of mine, whose friendship has come full circle over the last 10 years, started gently whispering to me words of encouragement and eye-opening statements as I would lament over McTeer’s “behavior.” She would suggest bloodwork, suggest that maybe this is all linked together, all while gently explaining PANDAS to me. You see, her little boys have been fighting this disorder for 3 years and she KNEW. All of the signs were right in front of our eyes but because PANDAS is rarely discussed- at least in mainstream medicine- I had never even heard of it.

I truly believe that the Lord is in all the details. We had left our mainstream medicine pediatrician’s office several years ago when we made some specific decisions for our children that are not always a common belief.

McTeer had some rather sudden and scary outbursts over Christmas. On December 23, the eve of his 6th birthday, McTeer told us that he didn’t feel like he belonged in our family… he was having thoughts that were so so sad and almost unbearable to type out here. Maybe one day, I will be able to do so. 

Several days later he was sitting in a chair in our bedroom while we were getting ready for bed. He started sobbing and scratching his legs violently. We asked him what was wrong and he said, “I’m trying to make myself bleed so I can die.”

We immediately took McTeer to our dear friend who is our family Nurse Practitioner and Chiropractor. He said “well he’s always you’re your ‘tough’ child” and wanted me to take McMc to a psychiatrist and I told him I absolutely would if he would just PLEASE run bloodwork. If nothing came back wrong, we would go to the psychiatrist.

A week later, the bloodwork results were back and I got a phone call to come into the Doctor’s office. McTeer’s ASO Strep Titers were extremely high. I knew in my heart that this was our answer, but I didn’t want to speak it out loud until we had further confirmation. It was one of those moments that there was an extreme amount of relief but also washed with great sadness. Relief that there is an explanation for his behavior. Sadness that he was sick. How long had this been going on? So many questions and thoughts continue to plague my mind.

Thankfully, because of my sweet friend who has experience with PANDAS, we knew which provider we would want to take McTeer to see to further his treatment.

We waited over a month for our appointment. Every single day felt like a lifetime away from getting him help but I'm so thankful that we waited. The Lord absolutely placed us in her care. She listened to me talk and cry... then she gently touched McTeer's little body -head to toe- fully examined and tested him and truly just looked at him as a whole person. She is the first person who didn’t say he needed a psychiatrist or drugs or blamed it on behavior. 

I felt our GREAT Healer whisper to me that we can trust her with his care... and that He has given her the education, knowledge, wisdom and intuition to help my little boy who is suffering and can't understand why. 

This is why I want to tell his story... so many parents must go through this but not know why, nor have someone to guide them and help them. They might not have a friend to look them in the eye and tell them that their child is sick. They might not have a medical provider who will look at their little people as a whole and treat them as a whole!  PANDAS is a multi faceted/ issue and unfortunately, treaments are not “one size fits all”.

For the last 3 months we have been on a journey of healing. His liver has been functioning poorly. His brain is extremely inflamed. We have to heal his gut, rid his body of strep and help reduce inflammation altogether. We are seeing healing slowly but surely. He is on a myriad of supplements to support his brain and gut. He took 3 weeks of clindamyacin.

My sweet little boy doesn't think that "everyday is a bad day" anymore. He understands that he is sick and there are many, many steps to his healing. But he can heal.

And if it be God's will, McTeer will heal. 

I don't understand why some children have the opportunity to heal here on earth and other's don't fully heal until they are in the arms of Jesus. But that's not mine to decide.

What I do know is that the Lord has entrusted us with this precious little family of ours. With a little boy who needs healing and a family who knew something wasn't right. With a mama instinct to fight for him until someone listened.

Please reach out if you would like to know more. I am sure that there is someone out there who may be reading this and think "this is my child." 

Clinging to the goodness of God,

Hannah


1 comment


  • Joanne McFadden

    I will be praying for your precious boy and for you. I’m glad that God led you to the right dr.
    Love you all


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